Scientist Man Calculates Half in the Bag Plinkett Intro Lines
Scientist Man has painstakingly gone through each episode of Half in the Bag to find how many times that hack Plinkett repeated the same line in the intro, as of episode 130. Bold = First OccurrenceItalics = Not Plinkett E1. Drive Angry - "Fuck movies" E2. Battle Los Angeles and Galaxy Invader - "Get this crap off my desk" E3. Paul and Toronto Comic Con - "Fuck movies" E4. Sucker Punch - "Get out of my living room" E5. Your Highness and Samurai Cop - "Jerks can't fix the VCR right" E6. Scream 4 and No Brand Con - "I don't even know who I am anymore" E7. Super and The Watchman Interview - "Fuck movies" E7.5. Special Edition - "Special edition? Who do these guys think they are, George Lucas?" E8. Troll 2 and Best Worst Movie - "Fuck movies" E9. Summer Movie Catch-up - "Get this shit off my cabinet" E10. The 48 Hour Film Project - "(muffled groan)" E11. Transformers: Dark of the Moon - "Jerks can't fix the VCR right" E12. Captain America and The Rocketeer - "I've got problems inside of my brain" E13. Cowboys and Aliens - "I just pooped all over the floor" E14. Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Cyphan Con 2011 - "The Devil is my hairdo” #1 E15. Chicago Comic Con - "I'm so sick of talking about movies" E16. Fright Night and Conan the Barbarian - "Get out of my car and into my dreams" E17. The People vs. George Lucas and Star Wars Discussion 1 - "Fuck movies" E17.5. The People vs. George Lucas and Star Wars Discussion 2 - "Get this fucking crap outta here" E18. Drive and Contagion - "I would buy that for a dollar” E19. Robot and The Last Circus - "When are these fucks gonna fix my VCR?" E20. What's Your Number and The Black Ninja 1 - "Apes are poppin'" E20.5. What's Your Number and The Black Ninja 2 - (No intro) E21. Jack and Jill 1 - ”Why the fuck are you watching this?” E21.5. Jack and Jill 2 - (No intro) E22. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and 2011 Re-Cap - ”Why the fuck are you watching this?” E23. The Devil Inside and Flyin' Ryan - ”The Devil is my hairdo?” #2 E24. Red Tails - ”Movies can eat my cock” E25. B-Fest 2012 Re-cap - ”Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?” E26. Chronicle and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - ”Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?” E27. Silent House and John Carter - “Eat my shorts, you fuck” E28. The Hunger Games and Jeff Who Lives at Home - “I put chicken strips in my asshole” E29. Cabin in the Woods and The Three Stooges - “Fuck movies” E30. Zaat - “Who wants to see these frauds talk about movies?” #1 E31. The Avengers - “I’d buy that for a dollar” E32. Battleship and Dark Shadows - “(Intercut reversed audio)” E33. Prometheus - “A king has his rein” E34. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and That's My Boy - “Movies gave me scabies” E35. The Amazing Spider-man - “Me underwears” E36. The Dark Knight Rises 1 - ”Isn’t it about time they end this show?” E36.5. The Dark Knight Rises 2 - ”Part two” E37. Step Up - “Fuck movies” E38. Resident Evil series 1 - “Jay and Mike are frauds” E38.5 Resident Evil series 2 - ”Part two” E39. Looper and Dredd - ”Jay and Mike are losers” E40. Sinister and Paranormal Activity 4 - ”Ooooooooooooh… get fucked” E41. Skyfall - “Fuck movies” E42. Twilight - Breaking Dawn part 2 - “Fuck movies” E43. The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey - “Fuck movies E44. Django Unchained and 2012 Re-cap - ”Who do these guys think they are, Rick Berman?” E44.5. Extras: Tarantino and More 2012 Re-cap - ”(Fart sound)” E45. The Last Stand and A Haunted House - “Fuck movies” E45.5. Extras: Copycat Films and More Styrofoam Beating - ”(Fart sound)” E46. Movie 43 - (No intro) E47. A Good Day to Die Hard - “Fuck movies” E48. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and Jack the Giant Slayer - “Now these assholes gotta fix my TV” E48.5. Extras: Hollywood Trends - “(Fart sound)” E49. Oz the Great and Powerful - “Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?” E50. Evil Dead - “Jay and Mike are frauds” E50.5. Extras: Evil Dead Outtakes - “(Fart sound)” E51. Oblivion and The Lords of Salem - “What stupid piece of crap movie is he gonna talk about now?” E52. Iron Man 3 and Pain & Gain - ”Fuck all this stupid popcorn shit” E52.5. Extras: More Iron Man 3 Talk - “(Fart sound)” E53. Star Trek Into Darkness - “Everyone always complains about things on the internet” E54. The Hangover Part III and After Earth - (No intro) E55. Man of Steel - ”I don’t even know what this show is happening” E55.5. Extras: Zack Snyder, Superman IV, and The Justice League - “(Fart sound)” E56. White House Down and The Lone Ranger - “I just shit in a coffee can” E57. Grown Ups 2 - (No intro) E58. Pacific Rim - “Fuck movies” E59.The Wolverine vs. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - “What ever happened to Meg Ryan? Oh yeah, she died” E60. Summer Movie Catch Up and THINGS - ”I can’t stop pooping in my pants” E61. Gravity and Carrie - ”Ooooooooooooh… get fucked” E62. Ender's Game and Thor: The Dark World - “Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag” E63. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - "The Devil is my hairdo" #1 E64. The Wolf of Wall Street and 2013 Re-cap - “A fucking goat can review movies better than these assholes” E64.5. Extras: Plinkett Eats! - “(Fart sound)” E65. The Legend of Hercules and Her - ”Kevin James is a poor man’s hobo” E66. Robocop - “I’d buy that for a dollar” #2” E67. Robocop 2014 - “I’d buy that for a dollar” #2” E68. Cheap Thrills and The Grand Budapest Hotel - ”Where’s the beef?” E69. Captain America: The Winter Soldier - ”I like to eat cheeseburgers” E70. Transcendence and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - “Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag” E71. Godzilla (98) and Godzilla (2014) - ”I put pizza rolls in my VCR, so I could watch them on TV, but it didn’t work.” E72. X-Men: Days of Future Past and A Million Ways to Die in the West - ”I bet my wife at the casino and I won” E72.5 Special Edition: The Transformers Series - (No intro) E73. Deliver Us From Evil, Edge of Tomorrow, and Transformers 4 - "Jerks can't fix the VCR right” E74. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - ”Wait a minute, wait, where am I?” E75. Boyhood and Guardians of the Galaxy - ”I dunno what planet I’m on” E76. Into the Storm and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - ”Calgon take me away” E77. 2014 Movie Catch-up 1 - ”I’m trying to find my fleshlight with the flashlight” E77.5. 2014 Movie Catch-up 2 - (No intro) E78. Gone Girl and Annabelle - ”I have so many problems, I have to take so many pills for my problems” E79. Interstellar - ”Apes in outta space?” E80. Nightcrawler and Birdman - ”Everyone do the Bartman, remember that?” E81. The Hobbit - The Battle of the Five Armies - ”Put it in my hobbit hole” E82. Inherent Vice and Oscar Buzz - “I like to eat cheeseburgers” E83. Jupiter Ascending and Battlefield Earth - “What stupid piece of crap movie is he gonna talk about now?” E84. CHAPPiE - “Fuck movies” E85. Furious 7 and It Follows - ”I don't even know what's going on anymore” E86. Unfriended and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 - “Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?” E87. Disney's: Marvel's: Avengers: Age of Ultron - ”Fuck all this stupid popcorn shit” E88. Mad Max: Fury Road - “Fuck movies” E89. Jurassic World - “I hate movies so much” E90. Terminator: Genisys - "Get this shit off my cabinet” E91. Ant-Man -"Get out of my car and into my dreams” E92. Pixels - (No intro) E93. Fantastic Four - “Doctor Doom is the gr.. top 5 greatest.. characters to ever come off of a comic book.. you know.. panel. He is one of the greatest characters ever conceived in the 20th century, you know..” E94. American Ultra - ”I’m filled with more gas than the Hindenburg” E95. The Visit and Turbo Kid - “I can’t stop watching movies” E96. Everest - ”Ain’t nothing funnier than a good ol’ fashion poop joke (fart sound)” E97. 2015 Re-Cap (So Far) - ”Ain’t nothing funnier than a good ol’ fashion poop joke (fart sound)” E98. Creed and Victor Frankenstein - ”I’m filled with more gas than the Hindenburg” E99. Krampus - “Fuck movies” E100. Star Wars: The Force Awakens - “Fuck movies” E101. The Hateful Eight and The Ridiculous 6 (sort of) - “I don’t even know what’s wrong with my face” E102. The Revenant ”I stood on my scale yesterday and it said ‘one at a time please’” E103. Deadpool and Comic Book Movie Predictions - “Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag” E104. The 2016 Oscars - “Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag” E105. Cloverfield Lane and Me Him Her - “I love to watch movies.. in my underwear” E106. Batman v Superman - ”(Sheep sound)” E107. Hardcore Henry - “I don’t even know what’s wrong with my face” E108. Green Room - (No intro) E109. Captain America: Civil War - ”Get outta here” E110. X-Men: Apocalypse - ”When’s my next review?” E111. Independence Day: Resurgence - “Apes are poppin’?” E112. Ghostbusters (2016) - ”The power of pain compels you” E113. Star Trek Beyond - (No intro) E114. Suicide Squad - (No intro) E115. Stranger Things - (No intro) E116. Blair Witch and Don't Breathe - ”Why do they keep making movies?” E117. Box Office Number Crunching - “Fuck movies” E118. Doctor Strange - ”I stood on my scale yesterday and it said ‘one at a time please’” E119. Shut in and Arrival - “Fuck movies” E120. 2016 Movie Catch-up - (No intro) E121. Rogue One - ”I’m filled with gaaas” E122. La La Land and Bye Bye Man - ”Fuck movies” E123. Get Out and Logan - (No intro) E124. Life and Power Rangers - "Get out of my living room" E125. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 - “Get this crap off my writing desk” E126. Alien: Covenant - “I love to watch movies.. in my underwear” E127. Wonder Woman - “I’m so sick of everything inside of a movie theatre” E128. The Mummy - (No intro) E129. Transformers: The Last Knight - “Fuck movies” E129.5. Baby Driver and Spider-man: Homecoming - “Fuck movies” E130. Annabelle Creation - ”I stood on my scale yesterday and it said ‘one at a time please’”
#Stats:
First Occurrences episodes 1-20
"Fuck movies" - 22
"Get this crap off my desk" - 1
"Get out of my living room" - 2
"Jerks can't fix the VCR right" - 3
"I don't even know who I am anymore" - 1
"Special edition? Who do these guys think they are, George Lucas?" - 1
"Get this shit off my cabinet" - 2
"(muffled groan)" - 1
"I've got problems inside of my brain" - 1
"I just pooped all over the floor" - 1
"The Devil is my hairdo" #1 - 2
“I'm so sick of talking about movies" - 1
"Get out of my car and into my dreams" - 2
"Get this fucking crap outta here" - 1
"I would buy that for a dollar" - 1
"When are these fucks gonna fix my VCR?" - 1
"Apes are poppin’?” - 2
(No intro) - 15
First Occurrences episodes 21-40
”Why the fuck are you watching this?” - 2
“The Devil is my hairdo?” #2 - 1
”Movies can eat my cock” - 1
”Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?” - 4
“Eat my shorts, you fuck” - 1
“I put chicken strips in my asshole” - 1
“Who wants to see these frauds talk about movies?” - 1
“(Intercut reversed audio)” - 1
“I’d buy that for a dollar” #1 - 1
“A king has his rein” - 1
“Movies gave me scabies” - 1
“Me underwears” - 1
”Isn’t it about time they end this show?” - 1
”Part two” - 2
“Jay and Mike are frauds” - 2
”Jay and Mike are losers” - 1
”Ooooooooooooh… get fucked” - 2
First Occurrences episodes 41- 60
”Who do these guys think they are, Rick Berman?” - 1
”(Fart sound)” - 7
“Now these assholes gotta fix my TV” - 1
“What stupid piece of crap movie is he gonna talk about now?” - 2
”Fuck all this stupid popcorn shit” - 2
“Everyone always complains about things on the internet” - 1
”I don’t even know what this show is happening” - 1
“I just shit in a coffee can” - 1
“What ever happened to Meg Ryan? Oh yeah, she died” - 1
”I can’t stop pooping in my pants” - 1
First Occurrences episodes 61-80
“Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag” - 4
“A fucking goat can review movies better than these assholes” - 1
”Kevin James is a poor man’s hobo” - 1
“I’d buy that for a dollar” #2 - 2
”Where’s the beef?” - 1
”I like to eat cheeseburgers” - 2
”I put pizza rolls in my VCR, so I could watch them on TV, but it didn’t work.” - 1
”I bet my wife at the casino and I won” - 1
“Wait a minute, wait, where am I?”” - 1
”I don’t know what planet I’m on” - 1
“Calgon take me away” - 1
“I’m trying to find my fleshlight with the flashlight” - 1
”I have so many problems, I have to take so many pills for my problems” - 1
”Apes in outta space?” - 1
”Everyone do the Bartman, remember that?” - 1
First Occurrences episodes 81-100
”Put it in my hobbit hole” - 1
“I don't even know what's going on anymore” - 1
“I hate movies so much” - 1
“Doctor Doom is the gr.. top 5 greatest.. characters to ever come off of a comic book.. you know.. panel. He is one of the greatest characters ever conceived in the 20th century, you know..” - 1
”I’m filled with more gas than the Hindenburg” - 2
“I can’t stop watching movies” - 1
“Ain’t nothing funnier than a good ol’ fashion poop joke (fart sound)” - 2
First Occurrences episodes 101-120
“I don’t even know what’s wrong with my face” - 2
”I stood on my scale yesterday and it said ‘one at a time please’” - 3
“I love to watch movies.. in my underwear” - 2
”(Sheep sound)” - 1
“Get outta here” - 1
”When’s my next review?” - 1
”The power of pain compels you” - 1
”Why do they keep making movies?” - 1
First Occurrences episodes 121-130
”I’m filled with gaaas” - 1
“Get this crap off my writing desk” - 1
“I’m so sick of everything inside of a movie theatre” - 1
I made an error, find it and you get a date with Rich Evans. EDIT: MORE STATS!!!
Intro Quote
Number of uses
Fuck movies
22
(No intro)
15
(Fart sound)
7
Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaag
4
Hey, don’t ya got anything better to do?
4
I stood on my scale yesterday and it said ‘one at a time please’
3
Jerks can't fix the VCR right
3
Ain’t nothing funnier than a good ol’ fashion poop joke (fart sound)
2
Apes are poppin’?
2
Fuck all this stupid popcorn shit
2
Get out of my car and into my dreams
2
Get out of my living room
2
Get this shit off my cabinet
2
I don’t even know what’s wrong with my face
2
I like to eat cheeseburgers
2
I love to watch movies.. in my underwear
2
I’d buy that for a dollar #2
2
I’m filled with more gas than the Hindenburg
2
Jay and Mike are frauds
2
Ooooooooooooh… get fucked
2
Part two
2
The Devil is my hairdo #1
2
What stupid piece of crap movie is he gonna talk about now?
2
Why the fuck are you watching this?
2
(Intercut reversed audio)
1
(muffled groan)
1
(Sheep sound)
1
A fucking goat can review movies better than these assholes
1
A king has his rein
1
Apes in outta space?
1
Calgon take me away
1
Doctor Doom is the gr.. top 5 greatest.. characters to ever come off of a comic book.. you know.. panel. He is one of the greatest characters ever conceived in the 20th century, you know..
1
Eat my shorts, you fuck
1
Everyone always complains about things on the internet
1
Everyone do the Bartman, remember that?
1
Get outta here
1
Get this crap off my desk
1
Get this crap off my writing desk
1
Get this fucking crap outta here
1
I bet my wife at the casino and I won
1
I can’t stop pooping in my pants
1
I can’t stop watching movies
1
I don’t even know what this show is happening
1
I don’t know what planet I’m on
1
I don't even know what's going on anymore
1
I don't even know who I am anymore
1
I hate movies so much
1
I have so many problems, I have to take so many pills for my problems
1
I just pooped all over the floor
1
I just shit in a coffee can
1
I put chicken strips in my asshole
1
I put pizza rolls in my VCR, so I could watch them on TV, but it didn’t work.
1
I would buy that for a dollar
1
I’d buy that for a dollar #1
1
I’m filled with gaaas
1
I’m so sick of everything inside of a movie theatre
1
I’m trying to find my fleshlight with the flashlight
1
I'm so sick of talking about movies
1
Isn’t it about time they end this show?
1
I've got problems inside of my brain
1
Jay and Mike are losers
1
Kevin James is a poor man’s hobo
1
Me underwears
1
Movies can eat my cock
1
Movies gave me scabies
1
Now these assholes gotta fix my TV
1
Put it in my hobbit hole
1
Special edition? Who do these guys think they are, George Lucas?
Written Friday December 15, 2017 - the day after opening night. Enjoy! #Maythe4thBeWithYou Here it is: I decided to write everything out because I obviously have too many feelings to process lol #allthefeels. A movie that has already proven to be a fairly polarizing 2nd (or 9th, if we're really counting) entry into the Star Wars metaverse deserves some cathartic play-by-play analysis. After all, that's more than half the fun (and point) of being a SW fan, is it not? Obvious disclaimer for SPOILERS, and I only saw the movie once - Thursday premiere night. Without further ado... here I go. *deep Lamaze breaths. Comparison:Empire. Let's be honest: with an ominous title and precedent-breaking RED Star Wars logo, it was inevitable that this second entry in this trilogy would illicit endless comparison to it's predecessor - namely, Empire, the 2nd SW movie ever in the OG trilogy, which has a darker tone and is widely regarded as the "Best" SW movie ever by fans - arguably, I might add. (IMO, A New Hope is the best SW movie of all time. BUT I DIGRESS) Considering how much TFA was designed after A New Hope, for better or for worse, it would be no surprise that The Last Jedi would mirror, borrow, or dare I say steal from Empire: major elements, settings, plot lines, et al. Fans and I alike were simultaneously loathed and relieved to find that this was both true and... not true, in this case. Let's break it down via Empire lines:
Hoth: Empire/Rebel stand-off with low-rising ships and AT-AT fighters in a cold-climate planet with snow and winter-y creatures? Check. (this time at the end, not the beginning! what a twist.)
Yoda/Luke on Dabogah: Mentomentee jedi "training" period that transports a main character away from central Rebel action for the majority of the movie? Check.
"I am your father": Said main character is only to return for a climatic confrontation on an Empire ship with the main villain and discover parentage? Check.
Rebel characters engage in a cat-&-mouse run from a Empire ship that tracks them (A la Boba Fett & the Worm monster in the Asteroid fields)? Check.
Reunion-Hopeful end scene: With some medical care, hand holding, smiling, and small sliver of hope left just by still being together despite all the odds? Check.
Puppet-Yoda. period.
Thankfully, nobody's hand was severed or body was carbon-frozen. (Let's not get all Starkiller Base on us again.) Elements were certainly borrowed, but I don't think it was a hammer over the head in the same way that TFA was to A New Hope. A lot of the reviews are citing how "different" and "surprising" the plot twists and storyline went, and I will give Rian Johnson credit there. This was certainly not a carbon copy of Empire because, while borrowing fairly obvious major elements - Yoda/Luke and Luke/Rey being the most - it does its own thing with them....that doesn't always work out for the best, however.
Dagobah vs the Island (Ach-To, or whatever.)
I think a lot of us expected (and were ready for) some head-on Yoda training of Rey. Give us a training montage. Knock her to her feet, do handstands, and make her lift that X-fighter from under the ocean (Did anyone catch that down there!?). OK - we don't need the whole she-bang, but give us something. I get that Luke is in no way the same master or teacher as Yoda, and he was going through this whole crotchety old-man complex and didn't actually want to train her. But when he and the movie actually got around to it... what even happened, really? We were treated to, frankly, weird and beautiful but unexplained cinematographic sequences (life! death! balance? and a dark seaweed-y dark tunnel?... ultimately leading to fun with mirrors? so many Reys, so few parents). My issue with them is this whole "training" period - which is a significant if not major crux of the whole movie - is that she's not really trained at all. Luke is basically like, "You're scary, Rey. ...OK, I'll watch you swing around my light saber." Like, what? I feel like the trailer gave the same level of impact of Rey's whole training on that damned island. She goes there, she gets trained eventually, and then she's a stronger Jedi - excuse me, er, "Force User." The movie really dragged its feet with this, and not in a satisfying way to me. In Empire, you were on Dagobah forever but were enraptured by Luke's fear, frustration, and mystery over the force and his training (not to mention the charm of puppet-Yoda, bless him). Here, I couldn't wait to get off the island. I feel like I was stuck on LOST. Nothing was happening, the main mystery was "What Did Luke REALLY DO to Ben?", Rey talked to Kylo Ren a lot, Rey and Luke stalked each other... and - perhaps most insulting of all - our entertainment/comedic relief was pulled out of admittedly cute but pretty ridiculous creatures. More on all the creatures below, but for now: I'm anti-porg (hated all the random noise placements), and pro-caretakers - cute and funny. BUT - do you see what I mean? How was this adding to anything? We were charmed and entertained by Yoda and Luke all on their own as characters - their dynamic, struggles, values taught, etc. Here, it was like... welcome to the Island! We're, here... on the island. There are cute things and some mysteries. Train yourself Rey and leave as you like. See what I mean? Similar to Empire, but... not really, or at all, a better or improved version just by being different from it. The saving graces are Daisy and Mark Hamill, who deliver strong and captivating performances as expected. Sadly, it's the writing and script here that fail them. Point is: this is a majothe plot point of this movie, Rey's training and answers as a Force User. Sure- what's happening with the Resistance is important, but the mythology and magic of this SW story is getting built with Rey. While necessary to bring her to the island with Luke, I just think our time there was a bit wasted. Too much "lemme follow Luke" ... "lemme follow Rey"... "oh look, another Porg!" *holds head in hands.
Rebels vs The Resistance
Meanwhile - because this movie, as SW movies are apt to do, requires a lot if Meanwhiles - the Resistance is stuck. They're out of fuel, tracked by the Empire after a mission, and getting clipped down. ...totally sounds familiar, right? In Empire, they run and hide - but get caught. They had the benefit of a budding romance with Han & Leia, and chemistry between them all - Chewie included. Here: they try to run, but are stuck. My issue is what they do to make it different this time, instead of Astroid Fields and a Cloud City: I guess they went with "A Codebreaker" and "Political Mutiny." I have to admit: it must be really challenging to figure out to do with the Rebel/Resistance story arc. I'm sure when they sat down to write this script, they thought "OK: while Rey is off being important, what can we give the Resistance to do and make it fun, compelling, and just as consequential?" -Sadly, I think they really struggled here. It becomes the major middle of the movie, which just drags. Here was their solution: Introduce 3 new characters; go on adventures; solve the problem, and combine the plotlines. go. First, as I'll discuss below with the Crowded Cast, the new characters (with the exception of Kelly Marie Tran) don't really amount to any new, exciting chemistry. It's less of a family, and more of a clusterf*ck to figure out what to do next... and then some. Second: The Go on Adventures part was, simply put, random. Finn and Rose's romp to the casino land was a great plug/opportunity for a Mos Eisley Cantina - feel, not to mention pretty incredible wardrobe and set design. I felt mesmerized watching that first long shot of the casino: over the top, significant attention to detail, and fabulous. I do like the backstory we get on the planet's riches from sales to the Empire. Still, those are the highlights, but its all... random. and very quick. I don't want something to just "be a highlight" - it should have some purpose and add to the story. Otherwise, we're in prequel territory (Naboo is beautiful! ...so what?) The rest: "Find the Codebreaker" mission, randomly given by Maz - just seemed silly, and they didn't even manage to make contact with mustached Justin Thoreaux - settling for Benicio Del Toro in jail. Again, all random, and all just kinda like... ok, *shrug*, I'll just go with this? I know that's the spirit of SW - being a ragtag crew that just "figures it out" as you go. Here, however, they give a lot of twists and turns that your head is in a tailspin. They're in the casino, then in jail, but now they're riding creatures, but they got caught, but DJ saved them, but then he sold them out...? You're left feeling like, Wow. what was the point of that at all. Meanwhile ... Mutiny is afoot! Admiral Holdo vs Poe for control. Like I'm saying, it's all just like... so what? They're stuck in space and they need a solution, so Poe waits on one while Holdo pursues another one. It really feels like a placeholder, one that I think they just didn't need to develop all that much- yet, develop they did. They threw in so many twists into this plotline that felt unnecessary: we're abandoning ship?! oh - there's a planet down there? wait - leia's awake? no, wait - they're shooting us all down?... it felt like a waste of time. Sure, show them in struggle against the Empire, but let's move on. (Here, I'd like to note this movie is 2 hours and 30 minutes. that's LOTR territory, yall - not in the good way. Like, yikes.) To summarize the Empire talk, I think they borrowed many checkpoint facts but didn't change them in truly effective ways. Let's be honest: the Empire framework is one we were all thinking about going into this. Below are more reasons why I think this movie's approach was successful... or not. Crowded Cast. Any true fan will tell you why the OG trilogy is the best: chemistry. Carrie, Mark, and Harrison had on-screen spark that continues to last 40 years later. All they had was droids and a walking carpet in Chewbacca as successful, impactful sidekicks (...forgetting the Ewoks, mind you.) We didn't need more. Even when Lando shows up, it's not a big deal - because it feels natural. Characters aren't just being thrown in and added just for the sake of more characters. (If they are, it's for some plot point or twist that really pushes things along. Lando case in point: Empire needed a double-agent to get Han carbon-frozen & bring Luke out of Dagobah to encounter Vader, get hand cut off, hang from a Cloud City antenna, etc.) I really thought in TFA, we were building to just that kind of "family" power. In our trio this time around, I think it was a solid effort at re-emulating what once was - The jokes and "banter" in TFA was believable, and you liked them as a crew. A family. Unfortunately, this is less like a family of a cast than ever before; It's more meta, like: Here's this conflict in space that obviously involves hundreds of characters. Let's give each of them a little spotlight. There really is just too, too much going on character-wise. I'm just going to go at this bullet style with all the ancillary characters, because I have all of the complaints.
General Hux: admirable attempt to emulate Tarkin, but given way too much screen-time as if he actually matters. I think he's funny in the "evil" role - but that encapsulates my problem with it entirely. you should not be funny, or "evil" with g-d quotes around it. (Also, he's Bill Weasley. Like, just train your dragons.)
Snoke: NO. Why? Where's his story? Who is he? WHAT is he? He's just an CGI bad guy from nowhere? What - were those scars that looked just like Anakin's head scars just to F*** with SW fan theories?! There are plenty of bad guys in the SW universe that have Force powers and came out of nowhere. Like, who is Count Dooku, even. But I'm even fine with Dooku. This is like decades after the Emperor has fallen, and now "Snoke" rules the world... we def need a little more than just a gold f***ing kimono.
Captain Phasma: Fail. What an absolute waste. She could've been a cool, deep, fun character. Give her way more screentime over Hux. Instead, we get two lousy fights and a shot of Brienne's eye... like, *applause for your death?
Emo Kylo Ren. Sorry, reviewers: this is NOT a spectacular show of acting. This is bratty, brooding boy turned young man all wrong. I get it, I know -- this shows how darkness is complex and conflicting and not one side of the coin, I get that. Despite that, he still comes off as an impish child. Like, King Joffrey status. (Does that change anyone's mind?!) I don't care that he has great hair and "broods" well. Snoke's dialogue with him is the only thing I like about the two of them: "Take that stupid mask off your face." "You're nothing but a child." Very, true. That's the character. I shouldn't be able to make fun of the darkest evil and now supreme leader in that way. (...then again... Trump.)
Overall, I have been incredibly disappointed with the dark side in this new trilogy. Not menacing, threatening, or even "dark" at all. Throwaway characters. The fact that it can basically be made a joke - Emo Kylo Ren on SNL; Hux's ridiculous flailing and fails - is telling. Now, the light side:
Admiral Holdo: more like Who, doe? Laura Dern is an incredible actor, and she was very underutilized here. Very few lines of dialogue to sink her teeth into, and the whole Mutiny situation all passed by in what felt like an inconsequential flash. I feel like her inclusion was not necessary at all. It felt very Battlestar Galactica-y: commander of a rival ship comes, creates political conflict. She's also completely out of place with that hair and wardrobe... I get you commanded another ship, but aint nobody else on the Resistance looking like that. She looked more suited to the casino.
DJ. again, who? Benicio Del Toro, another fantastic actor, underutilized in a way that demonstrates he prob shouldn't have been used at all. His stuttering was pretty insulting and not charming like I guess they thought it would be. I'm guessing he has some double-agent turn to play in episode 9 (I guess as the Lando addition), but he certainly didn't add any value to this cast or story whatsoever.
Maz Katana: Well, that was funny, but random. Another wasted resource in Lupita Nyongo.
Rose. saving grace of the movie! Anyone knows I'm the first to shout about inclusive representation in entertainment; giving an Asian-American nerd such a highlighted role was fantastic. and not just b/c shes an Asian-American Nerd; just because she was fantastic in it. She's also 28, so she's just like me. That's empowering and awesome to see. Totally emulated the Rey, Finn, Poe trio dynamic-chemistry we got in TFA. Sadly, she's the only one we really got it from, other than:
Finn and Poe. sorry, they go in together because they really didn't give me much this time around. A lot of snappy dialogue and jokes that mostly landed. I'm disappointed, because I was ready to see that TFA chemistry continue and build. It mostly just remained stagnant, which isn't development to me. Also, I guess they're supposed to be main characters, but why didn't it feel that way? In TFA, they had an excuse - this was all just starting, and they had star power in Harrison, Daisy and Adam Driver to share screen time with. Now, I really feel like I needed them to step up as movers in this story - the same way Han was. Sadly, script and writing spread their power potential across far too many others.
Basically: it's crowded. It's like double the cast with half the punch. It's part of why I criticized Rogue One: ensemble cast that seems thrown together, just for the sake of being together. I think Laura Dern and Benicio Del Toro, hands down, just should not have been added. I'm hoping they can revitalize the familial feel we got in TFA in episode IX; I think we will, now that we got that reunion scene and JJ will be back. Separately, the OGs:
Leia. the movie did an incredible job bidding her adieu. Luke's reunion with her sends chills down my spine. "No one's ever really gone." She's reportedly not in IX at all, so I'm sure they'll have her pass peacefully.
Luke. By contrast, I think his death was anti-climatic.
Puppet-Yoda: was skeptical on his re-appearance, but leave it to Frank Oz to put you back at total Yoda-zen ease. His lines on failure particularly hit home for me, and it def maintains the heart of SW here: the empathy and hope, in the face of loss and despair, really is what matters.
Is this still Star Wars? One of the more shocking allegations by angry twitterverse is that this movie "RUINED" SW, and that this "isn't a SW movie at all." Especially saying this is worse than Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones! Can it be? I ultimately have to disagree. There are light sabers, the Force, Luke and Leia, spaceship battles, and droids. Also, it splits characters/storylines up in stupid ways on "adventures" that all eventually pull together and make sense (we guess). it's DEF still SW. I do see their point, however. SW is a space battle/family drama, but you can't help but feel it's pull into different territories on this one. For one, I mentioned the Crowded Cast issue. My most immediate comparison on this one is Battlestar Galactica: stellar ensemble cast & chemistry, with very similar cat-&-mouse chases from the bad guys in space. Sadly, I just don't think SW is built for this kind of meta-character building. That's my main critique for this feeling less "SW". Second: The chemistry. The humor, comedic relief, and jokes. I mean, where are we going with these? I'm mostly okay with a lot of the "easier" funny moments, because there are a lot of those in the OG trilogy; all it took was one Chewie growl to get us going. I'm glad they didn't do away with them completely - this is still mass entertainment after all. However, I do think they simply went overboard on this one. Ex: The milked BB-8's abilities way too far; is he really capable of taking out multiple humans? It felt a little like Guardians of the Galaxy but with a lot less natural comedic punch. Again, I credit that to chemistry and the crowded cast: there wasn't a lot of opportunity to build much on what was created in TFA. We got it out of Rose, Poe and Finn in limited doses; not much else. Otherwise, we were given a lot of Porgs. Please, let Jar Jar and Ewoks be a lesson of late. The Last Jedi is totally a SW movie; however, it does admittedly feel different. I would say it feels stretched. Strained. A little frenetic & confused. It does all find itself by the end, but rather than all that being "Ah, The Plan All Along," it feels more like... "Oh, thank god they got there." Action Sequences One way it is totally SW, however, and I'm glad they did this justice: epic light saber battles. This struck a golden, perfect balance between the aerobatic, choreographed prequel fights to the more raw, emboldened OG trilogy fights that focus on face and grit. The climax fight is one to behold and is going down in the pantheon as one of the best, likely a top 5. Snoke's chamber and that red backlight is fantastic - ominous, bloody. A little shocked by how good those guards were; where the hell did they get trained? I'm sure we'll get more Kylo vs Rey in episode IX. Rey, thank god, has stepped up her game - treating it like an actual sword instead of a heavy hammer to drag. (But do you see what I mean about there being too much going on this entire movie? I totally forgot that Kylo Ren even had a crossguard lightsaber. like, completely.) The space sequences are, as predicted, breathtaking and exciting. Wouldn't expect less. In the middle "we're out of fuel!" part of the movie, it does just feel like being stuck on a chess set piece; that's claustrophobic, but not really in the captivating way here. Not like Gravity. More like... I got tired of playing chess and left the board overnight & forgot it was there for a week. and i dont care. Cringe-worthy. There were truly a lot, like a lot, of cringes here. These are undeniable, in fact, and simply cannot be done away with. The movie lives with them forever. *sucks teeth*
Floating Leia. NOOOOO. (please send me every meme ever). This is obviously a very polarizing decision. Personally, I think they should've cut that entire segment and left it on the cutting room floor. Kylo Ren doesn't need to get close to shooting her; she doesn't need to be asleep; hell, there didn't need to be a Laura Dern or any Mutiny, imo. She could've hit her head in an explosion and been in a brief coma, if ANYTHING. Idk. It was a lot. Esp considering Carrie has passed, it felt... super, really, uncomfortably weird. Therefore, I will rewind that scene x100 times. (It's up there with "Anakin, you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path in which I cannot follow!" also, I cannot believe they killed Admiral Ackbar with such little grace as that. Offended.)
Blue Milk. What might be a charming easter egg to some was really just a funny-disturbing, horrifically-cringey moment. Luke Skywalker on his knees, sucking down milk from the Tittie-Testicles of a bantha creature in its crotch, spilling it onto his scraggly beard. humiliating. this is not the master jedi I'm looking for. I want to unsee that immediately.
Mirror, mirror. maybe some people thought it was cool. maybe its deep, insightful, or artistic in some way idc to know about. I just dont care. It was giving me Mirror of Erised vibes from Harry Potter, which felt stupid and went totally unexplained. *snap, snap!
Emo-Bitch Moaning: on behalf of Hux and Emo Kylo himself. So many lines, I can't even dredge up from memory just yet, they're that painful. Greatest hit: Kylo bitching "YOU SHOULD BE!" or something equally bitch-worthy to ghost-Luke during their fight. groan.
Benicio Del Toro's stuttering: painful and offensive. of no value.
Rose's "kiss" of Finn. Ouch.
-Creatures There were, simply, a lot of creatures this time around. Here's some reactions to the greatest hits:
Porgs: I'm decidedly anti-Porg. I wish Chewie ate that roasted one in front of their crying faces. I also can't believe they started burrowing into the Falcon; the disrespect! Please swat them off the drawing board for episode IX, JJ. Unlike Ewoks and even Jar Jar, they added absolutely nothing to the story. Keep it purposeful, not random, please.
Caretakers: cute and hilarious. random.
Canto Bight riding creatures: They look like Voldemort. Actually a cross-breed of Dobby/house elves and Voldemort. Disturbing. (also, why all this Harry Potter crossover!?) random.
Ice Foxes: Cute, pretty, again very random and barely added anything of value.
One can't help but see the commercial angle in throwing the kitchen sink in with these creatures: they're automatic money machines to cash in on Christmas plush toys, not to mention drawings, books/resources to develop in on their stories/backgrounds, etc. Creatures are also a hallmark of SW. Again, though, you can't help but feel like it was a bit overdone here. I hardly remember any creatures from TFA, other than the octopus. (See? That was a fun adventure - and we met Han that way.) Cliffhangers/Theories
Are Rey's parents really nobody? Kylo told her, and she seemed to believe it as true; Daisy and Rian Johnson seem to claim that as truth too. If so, I can dig that as, really, the greatest surprise of all time - no fan theorist actually predicted that (if they did, it was on the bottom of their list. admit it!) It's cool because Anakin aka Darth Vader was totally a nobody himself, a junkyard slave (despite being borne of the Virgin Midichlorian Mary, lolz). And if so true, I like the nod at the end to the Force User slave boy, looking hopeful at the stars. The Force is for everyone, and it belongs to the balance of life, not just dynasty Skywalkers (who, themselves, started out as nobodies in Anakin.)
It just seems hard to believe, however, that Rey and Kylo aren't TWINS to Han and Leia. How could they be otherwise connected so strongly and randomly? Just one fight in the snowy woods, and they've got psycho-powers to each other? I guess it could just be a coincidence of their Force powers. High midichlorian count, holla.
I'm still banking on the Kenobi theory myself: why else bring Ewan and Alec Guiness's voices from the grave for her TFA dream? Help us Rey Kenobi - you really are our only hope.
Comas. Seems to be an all-too common ailment to end out a SW movie on. Finn in TFA; now Leia was in one for a minute, and Rose goes out on one too. At this point, I'm over comas. Obviously, everyone is going to wake up. Rose is going to wake up just fine, and it'll be hella awk between her and Finn and Rey. (I also think Finn and Poe should be a thing, I mean Finn is still wearing the jacket Poe gave him... but, I definitely digress.)
Conclusion If you read this far, you need to get a life - much like myself. Ultimately, my word on The Last Jedi is: B. OK. I think there was a lot riding on this movie: It was going to determine how a huge leg of this new trilogy was going to continue and be as an identity, really. TFA did a beautiful job building the legwork, and Last Jedi was both a surprise and let down in many ways. You can't snuff the highlights that made it shine: Canto Bight's casino, the light saber duels, Daisy and Mark, and Kelly Marie Tran. It just needed a lot of editing, which it clearly didn't get enough of at it's running time. The Cringes shoot down at this film significantly. Most importantly to me: Part of what makes SW fantastic isn't exploding ships and sword fights; plenty of movies have just that. What makes us fans is the draw of their mythology, continuing/evolving story, and feeling like we're on-board with the "Family" of characters we love the whole way through. It's why I love many installments of Final Fantasy, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, and GOT: it's character-based, character development that gets breathtaking. I think Last Jedi may have lost the heart of that, by nature of feeling random, sloppy, and going too long without going much of anywhere. I'm certainly glad to be off the island and out of that awful Chess-like impasse between their spaceships. Moments with Yoda and Luke separately were strong and kept the heart of SW. Still, there were just a lot of choices... too many polarizing choices. the kind you can't come back from, and that really get the movie off the swing of things. I will obviously be re-watching and contemplating for weeks to come. Ah, to be a SW fan! Feels good. (and a little sad, but good all the same).
Date viewed: 3/28/2013 Date started: 1/1/2013 Ahh, nostalgia. Probably the greatest animated series comes to an end. And yet another sad-happy ending at that. As most of you probably know, Andy is heading off to college in this thrilling sequel. He must choose what he wants to do with his old toys. Attempting to put them in the attic, a mix-up lands the toys in the donation pile, and brought to the Sunnyside Daycare center. Now the gang must fight their way out of daycare if they want to be with Andy again. Or should they stay in daycare? They get played with in daycare. This will be a tough decision for our favorite toys. God, I love Toy Story. And I'm apparently not the only that thinks so, the series has (to my knowledge) the highest rating on Rotten Tomatoes. With Toy Story holding a 100%, Toy Story 2 holding a 100% and Toy Story 3 holding a 99%, it's a tough trilogy to beat. But sadly, even though I loved this installment, it wasn't quite as good as I had hoped. The plot structure was seemingly identical to part 2 of our series. Well I guess most of the series has been about one group of toys rescuing another group of toys, but this one just seemed like a remake of Toy Story 2, in a way. Only with much more emotion. I had heard this film was sad, but I wasn't expecting what I received. If you enjoyed the rest of the Toy Story series, I would highly recommend picking this one up. Rating: 8/10 IMDb Page Wiki Page Discussion topic: What did you do with your old toys? Throw them out? Put them in the attic/storage? Donate them? Other? And since this my 100th review, I got to rank the films I saw this year. There a few errors, but this roughly the order of which I enjoyed each film. 1 being my favorite, 100 being a mistake.
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